I came to my conscious aging world via the path of resilience. As I get older, I am also learning about the path of adaptability. To me, resilience includes coping and adaptability includes reframing or adjusting expectations.
Ten years ago, I started reading authors like Angeles Arrien and Ashton Applewhite. I learned that between stimulus and response there is a space, and in that space is our power to choose (Viktor Frankl). And I came to understand that if we believe life peaks in middle age and then it’s all downhill, that’s what we get.
Life is change, no matter what age we are, no matter our life path. And there are different kinds of changes.
For some of us, there’s the change from crawling to walking, and then experiencing the wonders of balance and mobility. For some, there’s the change of learning to talk, and then experiencing the wonder of communicating ideas. For others, as we get older, there’s the change from a “human doing” to a “human being,” and then, possibly, experiencing the wonder of being present.
There’s also the inevitable and varied physical changes we all experience in one form or another as we age. The hearing, the eyesight, the strengths and weaknesses. The downsizing. The changed relationships, the lost relationships.
There is no template.
Through resilience, I hang tough until things return to “normal.” Through adaptability, I adjust to what life throws my way. The balance between the two is constantly shifting.
Without resilience, I might just quit when the going gets tough. Without adaptability, I might ignore warning signs. Keeping some balance between the two allows me to stay focused on a goal while adjusting the path to get there in a sustainable, healthy way.
Hanging tough and adjusting are not always healthy. Some people are stubborn because they don’t want to get old, because they think young is good and old is bad. Some people adjust to continuing abusive situations.
Last summer, I bent over to pick up a chest full of ice and after I set it down my back really started to hurt. The hurt didn’t go away and got worse. It limited my mobility. My back remained very tender. Pills didn’t help. Turns out I have some arthritis in my back. (The doctor said that’s not unusual for somebody my age!) I’ve had to accept the arthritis, keep doing some stretches and be careful with ice chests.
I have to be both resilient and adaptable.
Regarding my back pain, I haven’t thrown in the towel just because I’m old, and I’m now more careful how I bend over and lift things.
This path of adaptability is helping me not take some things for granted — like putting on my pants while standing on one leg. Balance and mobility are two things I never really thought much about for most of my life.
Part of conscious aging is living with intention. Let’s choose both resilience and adaptability and find the ever-shifting balance between the two.